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9 Responses to “Do You Have Adoption Experiences?”

1. Gladys Bossen
   February 29th, 2008 at 1837

   

   Hello
   I was a teacher for 35 years and taught with Ross for many years. My husband and I adoped two boys who were brothers when they were 8 and 9. They were handsome, of average intelligence and had some musical ability. All was well until they turned 12. Their personalities changed completely. We found that they suffered from Fetal Alchohl Syndrome. By age 16 they were heavily into drugs, drinking, sex & in trouble with the law. They have no sense of consequences and no idea of a tomorrow. Their brains are not completely developed. Their mother was on drugs when they were concieved. As teen they had no respect for authority of any kind, parent, teacher, Bishop or police. They dropped out of school, lied, stole, cheated and felt no regrets. One boy at the age of 16 tried to kill me with a butcher knife. Our lives had been in danger in our own home for many years. I would not recommend to anyone in this day to adopt a child. As much as they need a stable home most bring only heart ache to those who love them. They are simply not able to love or form a family relationship with the adoptive parents or to their future wife and childrn. Gladys

2. Duchess
   February 29th, 2008 at 2229

   

   Lincoln and I are getting ready to start the adoption process. (We can’t have any more children naturally.)
   We will be documenting our process on our blog.

   Link’s brother has two adopted children. They were both domestic newborn adoptions. (That is also what we are going to do.) They are open adoptions. The children know who their birth mothers are and have even met them (the kids are 8 and 5.) They are both African-American- Link’s brother and his wife (obviously) are not. They also have another son, natural born, younger than the two adopted children. The family is happy, the children are well adjusted and there is no confusion for them.
   I read Gladys’ comment to Link. We’ve been told similar stories. We feel that bringing children into your family in any capacity is a “risk” of sorts. A natural born child brings the same opportunity to exercise their free agency as an adopted child. There are parents with natural born children who could write the same story as Gladys.
   We love being parents, we want our son to have siblings, and we will happily take the risks of bringing more children into our family through adoption, knowing that there will be heart ache along the way (that is inevitable when you love someone) because we know that the potential joy it will bring our family far outweighs those risks.

   From an adult child’s stand point. We have two friends who were adopted. Both are wonderful people, good parents, loving spouses. Neither of them (both are in their 30’s) have even felt the desire to seek out their birth parents. They both have great relationships with their parents.

   Whew- nothing like a request for opinions to get people to go on and on. We’ll keep you posted on our experience.

3. brooklyn
   February 29th, 2008 at 2345

   

   Whatever you decide, we wish you well.

   Dave’s sister was unable to have kids and they have adopted all four of their kids when they were toddlers (at different times). They have researched and dealt with the children and their backgrounds beautifully. The youngest twin boys have some delays and health problems, and there are moments of struggle with the older children being a different race or curiosity about the birth parents, but overall, they are a healthy, happy family. the older kids have grown to be wonderful, talented, sensitive, intelligent and well adjusted. i think everyone (us included) love being together. definite blessing.

4. T.
   March 1st, 2008 at 1749

   

   My story of adoption is from a siblings point of view. My parents adopted my little brother when I was about 6. What an experience! We toted that poor baby through our house and neighborhood like he was the first baby ever born. Mike was the complete opposite of his 3 older siblings fair hair and light complexions but we didn’t see a lick of difference. He was our brother. Period. When I was 15 my parents adopted another child. A little girl. I can hardly talk about the day she came home without bursting into giggles and tears. All 5 of us older siblings fell furiously in love with this little dark-haired beauty.

   When I was on the way to the hospital to deliver my first baby I made my husband pull the car over. I unleashed my deepest, darkest fears on him; I was afraid I wouldn’t love my new baby as much as I loved my baby sister! (I need to clarify that many years had passed since the adoption. I was a grown, married woman.)

   Now that we are all grown up and have moved out of the house our bonds are are strong as when we were kids. I’d still sucker punch someone for talking poorly about my siblings. And I know I can say that for all 6 of us.

5. Alyssa
   March 1st, 2008 at 1915

   

   Adoption is a great way to build a family. We have recently adopted internationally from Central America. We adopted 2 litte girls. one is 4 years old and the other is 20 months old. The 4 yr. old daughter came home to us in August. The younger came home just before Christmas. We are still adjusting and getting to know each other. Neither has much documented history which leaves so much to guess work and continual discovery. We are enjoying both girls.

   I will say that situations like the above mentioned are not uncommon. Children in general do bring a great deal of change and risk into life. Fetal Alcohol Dyndrome and drug exposure are VERY real and damaging. These conditions can not be discounted as the children are literally affected permanantly.

   I would reccomnd to anyone considering adoption to REALLY research it out. Not just which type or which agency but, read the books you would read after you had decided to adopt the books you would read after your child is home and dealing with some issues. Attachment disorder is also very common and VERY real. It mimics autism in many ways and is not easily overcome. There are different things that need to be worked through and I will say that the older a child is and the more they have experieces and the more committed and vigilant you will need to be as an adoptive parent.

   Parenting in general is not easy, but, there are some specific concerns that you will encounter raising an adopted child (We have 5 biological children as well..10,9,7,5,3 yrs. old) For us, I know that this was a good decision and the path we needed to follow. I am learning all kinds of things…some lessons are not very fun, but still important. Things are getting better and we do have more good days in a row

   I do believe adoption is a good option. I know many families who have multi-racial families through adoption. Each has their own special joys and challenges.

6. Bernie
   March 5th, 2008 at 2042

   

   We adopted two little girls as newborns, two years apart. It has been one of the choicest experiences of our lives. My wife and I had two biological children and then, after an 8 year break, we put in for adoption due to health complications on her part, and got these lttle girls. Its neat, because I always wondered if there would be any difference in how you feel between adopted and biological children. Trust me - there isn’t. Our love for them has grown and deepened. The oldest girl turned 13 years old today! So glad we got them.

   If I could give you any advice, it would be this. Follow your own heart. Do what you and your spouse feel right about, after carefully considering all the pros and cons and your own unique situation.

7. Jessica Petersen
   March 6th, 2008 at 1243

   

   We went through the adoption process when my little sister placed a baby a little over a year ago. She had originally planned on raising it herself, but she slowely had a change of heart. The biggest thing that shocked me was when she told me that she felt selfish placing the baby- she did the crime now she should do the time- sorta thing. I thought that this was amazing considering placing him was the most selfless act I have ever known. After she read the talk from Elder Faust (a month in 2006… I can’t remember) about the importance of having a Father in the home, she knew what the Lord wanted her to do. Everything just fell into place after that. She felt at peace, she was happy- probably the happiest I have ever seen her. She chose a family whose file she really liked (after HOURS AND HOURS of searching through files), only to find out a couple of days later that they had already been chosen. So she searched for another family and felt an extremely peaceful feeling about another. They met the weekend after. She later told me that the room was FILLED with the spirit- the STRONGEST all of them had EVER felt it! They of course hit it off! It was interesting to hear their story and to realize that during my sister’s pregnancy, when she was struggling with the decision, they had emotional lows as well. Once she decided, that she was going to place the baby, they felt peace too. When she had chosen the other couple, they again, felt down. When she chose them, they were overjoyed!! After he was born, I felt so much love for him, and I realized how many people loved him. My whole family- and their whole family.
   What I have learned from all of this is that it is SUCH a sacred process!! One of the counselors had mentioned to my mom that after so many years of being with family services, he believes that the spirit inside has a GREAT deal of influence on the birth Mother’s decision. To me, this is amazing. I felt SO-O much closer to my own children after going through the process with her. Spirits ARE predestined!! It was so amazing to see, first hand, the incredibly intense quest of a little growing spirit find his eternal family!

8. Liz
   March 7th, 2008 at 1617

   

   Wow! Thank you all so much for telling your stories. It has been absolutely wonderful reading about your experiences, both challenging and rewarding. Just bless you for sharing!

9. Darin
   April 7th, 2008 at 2335

   

   It has been really great to hear your experiences - thank you!